


I Woke Up Tuesday and It Was Friday

by brainwavesoptional



Category: Split (2016)
Genre: Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/M, Past Child Abuse, Pre-Split, Pre-diagnosis, Someone please hug Kevin, the relationship is more of a backdrop for Kevin seeking help, time loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 02:29:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9798473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brainwavesoptional/pseuds/brainwavesoptional
Summary: Its hard to maintain a relationship when a month goes by where you're completely unaware of what has happened or what you've done. This is Kevin's reality. This is Nia's new reality, where its slowly becoming apparent she is in over her head.





	

**Author's Note:**

> There isn't graphic depictions of child abuse in this fic but it is referenced/implied so please take care.

When dating Kevin there are a couple things you need to know. (Other than he's a sweet, gentle guy who enjoys making you one-of-a-kind clothing items.)

  
One: He forgets things. A lot. He will forget to meet you on dates so you need to call him in advance. He will forget pieces of your conversations and try to play it off as though he does know, even when its obvious he doesn't know what's going on. He will also forget personal information and contradict himself.

Two: You'll often find childish things about his place. Drawings, coloring books, even toys. He insists its just a "comfort thing".

And three: He has no pictures in his apartment of his family. He will never talk about his family. And if you try to gently pry into his history it seems he isn't there anymore. Kevin will look away as though distracted by something then he'll change the subject completely.

From the outside looking in, Kevin has it together. During those first few dates, Nia had no reason to think otherwise. During the first few months there are things here and there that are odd - who says they're allergic to peanut butter then, not even three days later, starts munching on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (much to her shock)? But she lets these things slide because in the honeymoon stage you don't question things as much.

Nia's first clue things are not as they seem are the nightmares.

//

Kevin feels exhausted the next morning and he isn't sure why. Glancing to his side he can see his girlfriend still sound asleep, the rise and fall of her chest even and calm. She clearly doesn't have the same strange dreams he's been having lately. He's not even sure where they could be coming from, he's generally not been one to recall his dreams. They've always presented themselves more so as feelings rather than pictures or events.

But Kevin can clearly see in his mind watching a glass fall out of his hand. No, a small childs hand that he somehow knows is his, and when it shatters he feels as though he is going to die. Something is going to hurt him so badly he will die.

He can feel the thought slip away along with the emotions. He often finds himself feeling numb and apart from the world, like there is a thin, translucent piece of glass which separates him from others. Although with Nia he can start feeling again. The past four months she's been considerate, gentle, kind, and seems okay with his... quirks. She's pointed out how forgetful he is plenty of times and she keeps asking to see his "sketches". He can feel himself floundering every time because over the years its become apparent to him this is not a normal, everyday occurrence. People don't forget dates, that today is Wednesday and not Sunday, or become confused sometimes when asked personal questions.

So, as always, Kevin is doing as best as he can to fake it. He really likes Nia. She's one of the very few people he's let into his life. Or into his living space for that matter.  
His body feels heavy as he goes into the kitchen to make some coffee. The strange urge to have milk instead is strong but starts the coffee anyway. His head is filled with thoughts, things he can't bring himself to hear, and so instead he stares down at the coffee pot. Its not really registering - the sight of it, the sound of it, how its starting to burn - and he feels as though something is going to jump out of the shadows at him. Is this the nightmare affecting him, making him feel unsafe?

He looks down at his hands and feels disconnected. He stares at the palms blankly.

 _The coffee is burning_.

 ** _Unsafe_**.

_If we'd put milk in the coffee it'd taste better, just sayin'._

_Did you hear something_?

 _The glass is on the ground, pick it up, **pick it up**_ \--

When he feels a hand on his shoulder he jumps in surprise, and he--

//

"Ke--Kevin, honey, look at me please."

Kevin's neck hurts. His back aches. He uncurls himself from the tight, protective ball he'd formed himself into sitting on the kitchen floor to look up and see Nia staring down at him. Her eyes are filled with tears.

"Kevin?" She says cautiously, as though she isn't sure who she's speaking to.

"Nia, I..." His head pulses in pain.

 _She looks maaaaaad_ , he can hear in his head. A childs taunt.

Kevin rubs his temple, groaning in pain. He manages to say, "I'm okay, I'm okay."

"I don't think you are." Nia kneels down in front of him. She doesn't speak for a moment or two before adding, "Kevin, do you remember last night?"

He freezes. No. Did something happen? Oh no.

"We should talk about it."

There's a pressure in his head, a terrible pressure--

//

"--its only for a few days."

Kevin stares blankly at his girlfriend, trying to pick up the pieces of whats going on. She's holding a duffle bag in one hand while the other is holding out a piece of paper to him. He takes it, still feeling dazed, and can see she's written someone's number on there.

"My cell phone gets some pretty crappy reception. My aunt has a land line though if you need someone to talk to." Nia reaches out, taking Kevin's hand in hers. "Sorry about missing our five month anniversary. Just had to fall on my yearly trip, didn't it?"

Five months?

Kevin pushes everything aside and smiles. He memorizes her face, a sweet, caring smile. Short dark hair framing her face with bright blue eyes he finds so much comfort in.

He missed a month of her.

A month of her not talking to him. Someone else was there.

"Thanks again for the scarf," Nia says after planting a quick kiss on his cheek. She touches the baby blue crocheted item wrapped around her neck with a big grin. "Its so comfy. My aunt will be so jealous."

"I'm sure she will," Kevin agrees.

_Did I buy that or make that?_

_Glad she likes it_ , he can hear in the back of his mind. A happy voice. Overjoyed, actually.

"Don't forget that Ashley is supposed to feed the penguins while I'm away. She'll try to tell you Jessica's supposed to because she'd rather be texting her boyfriend than doing her job," says Nia with a roll of her eyes. "Anyways, don't have too much fun without me."

"Wouldn't dream of it. I'll stay here, staring at the wall awaiting your return."

She laughs, the sound something he doesn't think he'll ever forget even with his significant memory problems.

As she heads out the door Kevin can feel a deep, dark sadness from inside himself. He's not sure where its coming from because Nia clearly stated its only for a few days. There's no need to feel like she's abandoning us. Him.

Kevin refuses to entertain the fact of a month is now gone. Just as in the past, he pushes it to the side. He's sure there are clues lying around about the time he's missed, there always is. Usually in the form of notes written in various handwriting he doesn't recognize about bills, his schedule for work, times to meet people, etcetera.

//

On her first night back in town, Kevin invites Nia to stay the night. Over the phone he can hear her pause in response, then says, "I'd really like to, Kev, but you told me before you need some space. Are you sure?"

Muscles start to tense in his body as he tries to stay cool. He's done this all of his life, after all, covering up mistakes and taking back words he apparently said. The problem is now he's made an attempt at a connection with someone. Nia has the patience of a saint and Kevin can feel his anxiety build with every forgetful incidence that this will be the final straw. He still recalls how his mother berated him time and time again for forgetting so many things.

Kevin has never let anyone this close before and the thought of it failing leaves him with dread. Because a normal person should be able to remember all parts of their relationship. A well-adjusted person doesn't get constant headaches, strange body aches, or hear strange thoughts they aren't thinking in their own head. He's learned none of this is normal.

Even so, normal is what he strives for, and _normal_ people have relationships. _Normal_ people keep up appearances. _Normal_ people have lives.

 _Define normal_ , rings in his head, followed by a girlish laugh.

Before he can even respond Nia adds, "I think we should talk tonight. Not a bad talk, don't freak out. Just... theres some questions I have and I hope you can be honest with me, okay Kev?"

"Okay," Kevin agrees. "I'll see you later tonight. I even bought peanut butter ice cream even though I can't eat it, its all yours."

"See you then, hon."

//

Kevin isn't sure how his kitchen remains so spotless when he never recalls cleaning it. Cleaning gives him incredible anxiety, strangely enough, so he kind of lets things go until they're mysteriously scrubbed and his clothes are ironed and neatly stacked in his dresser. He's tried rearranging things to his liking, such as his clothes, or books, but they always return back to the way they were so he doesn't even bother anymore.

To say Kevin is in control of his life is false. He's never been in control. And even though Nia told him not to worry he's unable to concentrate on anything. The thought of going for a nice, calming walk pops into his head and he doesn't think its a half bad idea so he heads out the door without a destination in mind.

He wanders around aimlessly, stopping at various shops to browse. Kevin feels pulled towards so many different places its hard for him to stay inside one for very long. He does find a beautiful turqoise necklace with a metallic sun pendant which he immediately scoops up for his girlfriend as a surprise present. Being outside and entertaining his urges by going from store to store seems to settle him a bit. His head isn't so loud and he can hear his own thoughts again.

On his way back he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. Figuring its Nia, he quickly pulls it out of his pocket anticipating a cute message or maybe one of those dumb jokes she loves to tell to see him roll his eyes. Instead, theres a flash of '1 missed call' from his mother, along with a voicemail.

The noise in his head returns and it doesn't stop.

 _Delete it. Delete it. Delete the number too and block it what if something happened to her? Why would we care I hope something happened that old bitch_ needs _to shit the bed Can you_ shutup _for once? Delete it wait no listen and see what's going on Oh my god **SHUTUP**_ \--

Kevin, against his better judgment, decides to listen to the voicemail. Her tone is cold and her words clipped, as though she's in a hurry to get as many condescending things in within 30 seconds.

"Kevin its your mother. You need to learn how to answer your phone, this is the fourth time in two I've called you and it's gone to voicemail. The last thing you want to do right now is make me more upset so call me back very soon." Click.

_If she doesn't get a phone call back she'll never stop and it'll make it worse._

_She can go fucking rot._

_The locks were changed, right? She can't just storm in right?_

Kevin blinks away sudden tears. He's not even sure where they're coming from. He can feel a pulse start at the base of his skull meaning a headache is surely coming soon. Trying to focus on things happening around him - tree with birds cawing in it, person wearing bright yellow shirt, dog across the street, the smell of strong perfume from a woman passing by - he starts his way back to his place. Halfway there he realizes he's been holding onto the necklace so hard the pendant has been biting into the flesh of his palm, little beads of blood poking through.

Blood.

He remembers stopping to try and rub the blood off. He also remembers the building rage coming from somewhere deep inside of himself. It terrifies Kevin how badly he reacts to his mothers attempts to interact with him. All he wants to do is avoid her. Why can't she leave him alone? Why does she always have to berate him and make him feel less than? In his mothers eyes every move he makes is the wrong one. All she wants to do is talk about how, once again, he's disappointed her. All Kevin wants is to be left alone.

All she wants to do is talk about how, once again, he's disappointed her. All Kevin wants is to be left alone.

What a terrible son, a soft, accented female voice rings in his head before he's swallowed into darkness.

//

11:22 P.M.

10 texts from Nia. 22 from his mother. 5 missed calls from his mother but mysteriously no voicemails. 2 from Nia.

He's at a park. Its not too terribly far from his place but he finds himself paralyzed with fear. What has he been doing this entire time? Why can't he remember?

Nia's texts are full of worry. She asks if she'd done something wrong, then says she's called every hospital but he's not there. The voicemails she sounds near tears worried Kevin is hurt.

Mother is different. As the texts go on they get worse. There seems to have been more because it cuts off, as though the rest have been deleted. Kevin can feel his hands shaking because he hates her constant use of the word 'stupid'.

He immediately calls Nia, hoping she's still awake. She must have been right next to her phone because she answers on the first ring.

"Kevin? Are you okay?" she asks before he can even begin to speak.

"Yeah, I, um... sorry, I have quite the headache," he stammers to respond. "I keep... I keep losing chunks of time. I was on my way back to meet you and god Nia, I'm so sorry. I don't know why this keeps happening."

"Where are you? Are you at home?"

"No, but I'm not very far at all."

"I'll meet you there in fifteen. Please Kev, please be there."

//

Never in Kevin's life had he imagined confiding in someone. He's not sure why he's so hell-bent on secrets, but he's always felt as though if he tells someone what's going on with him his life will be over. And to be honest, he's never really wanted to confront it. Its easier to deal with these hellish symptoms than to find out why they're happening.

Nia listens while holding his hand tightly in hers. She never gasps in horror or flinches away. The time loss, the constant headaches, the notes he doesn't remember writing, how he finds scars on his body he doesn't remember putting there - she never lets Kevin feel like he's crazy.

"I really, really like you Nia," Kevin says, his eyes trying to focus on hers. "I hope you can see I'm trying."

"What I wanted to talk to you about was all of this," Nia admits. "I know you're trying, honey, and at first I just thought you had some quirks. But there were so many inconsistencies that they were piling up. You said you got me peanut butter ice cream, right, but you can't eat it? Because you told me you're allergic. Well like two weeks ago you got us both a bowl of it and sat down for a netflix marathon. You were fine."

Kevin feels so tired.

"You've been having panic attacks in the middle of the night and when I try to help you don't want me to touch you. Before I went on my trip its kind of like you'd changed somehow. I don't know how to describe it, I didn't even notice it for a long while. I just think you need help to figure out whats going on. Will you go to a therapist? See if they can help?"

 _No doctors. No hospitals. No doctors. No hospitals. No doctors no hospitals no doctors no hospitalsnodoctorsnohospitals_ \--

"Kevin? Are you still with me?"

His mind is filled with static but he focuses on holding her hand tightly, anchoring himself to the here and now.

"Yeah, I, yes. I know I need help. I'm just... scared theres something really wrong with me."

"But if there is wouldn't you rather know?"

 _No. Shutup for_ gods _sake! You're. Not. Helping!_ An exasperated sounding voice shouts inside of his head.

"Can we figure this all out tomorrow morning? I have a headache and would just like to sleep."

"Me too. I want to be the big spoon this time," she exclaims with a huge smile.

"You're seven inches shorter than me. You're more like a jet pack."

Her eyes light up at the suggestion. "A jet pack? Damn right I want to be a jet pack. That sounds way cooler."

//

Kevin holds the card in his left hand and his cell phone in his right. On the card in bold, black printing is the name of Karen Fletcher, a therapist who has many references online, and has over 20 years of experience. In her bio it says she works with all sorts of patients but specializes in those with trauma history, helping them re-build their lives at their pace.

Theres a war waging inside of Kevin which he's tried, with some success, to ignore. Feelings of guilt, distrust, anger, sadness, and deep sorrow seem to swirl inside of his body threatening to leave him paralyzed. But within it all seems to be a small beacon of hope. A piece of him willing the rest to fight and resist. To not only survive but grow.

He makes the phone call. He speaks in a hushed tone even though he's the only one in his den at the moment. The woman sounds very sweet, a grandmotherly type, and assures him after he admits his several memory problems if he does forget their first appointment she'll still take him in for another one. Kevin can feel that small hope starting to grow into part of him and he feels relief. He hasn't felt genuine relief in so long he's forgotten what its like for his shoulders not to be tight, or for his neck not to be pained.

"Thank you Dr. Fletcher," Kevin says. "I'll see you Friday."

"Very good. See you then, Kevin."

//

_"Kevin Wendell Crumb. Did I not make myself clear that the dishes need to be clean? You messed them up again! Get back in there and do them right!"_

Pain. No tears though. No crying.

Its so hard to clean dishes properly when your hands are swelled and bruised from a ruler.

Crying.

"Kevin--"

_Please, I'm sorry. I'll do them right._

"Kevin honey."

"I'm so sorry."

"Its just a dream. Listen to my voice, Kevin. Its just a dream, whatever you were dreaming you're okay."

The child in the mans body looks down at the body's hands, making them into fists then slowly releasing them. He winces every time as if they are actually injured, and every time he does he glances up at the woman in front of him to check if she's changed her mind about being angry with him.

"M' hands hurt," he says, his lisp prominent. "I don't know why I gotta always get hurt when I do something bad. I already got yelled at."

At this moment Nia can see the evidence in front of her plain as day: she's no longer talking to Kevin. This isn't him being stuck in a panic attack or having trouble coming back to reality. This is something entirely different and she's struggling to come up with a reasonable way to deal with this. Does she hug him? What if it makes him panic even more? And who exactly is she talking to?

She decides to set her curiosity aside and focus on helping whoever is in front of her. Kevin always comes back to her and when he does she wants to make sure whoever is here now isn't hurting when they leave.

"It was only a dream sweetheart." Nia makes sure her voice is warm and soothing. "I'm your friend and friends let each other know if they're okay or not. Do you know what happened in your dream?"

"I did dishes. I didn't do 'em right and she's mad." The boys face scrunches up as if he's in serious pain and he curls up on the bed, hiding his head in the comforter.

Nia feels so helpless. She's so unprepared for this. Last time when the panic attack happened it was over relatively quickly and Kevin - was it really Kevin? - seemed to have calmed himself down. He'd appeared on edge, his body language sending a clear 'do not come near me' vibe, and left to take a shower. But this is a much different response to a nightmare than last time and she's lost.

"I think you did the best you could," she says, deciding to reassure him rather than discredit whatever he's going through with 'its not happening right now'. "I think you did just fine. I'm not going to yell at you or hurt you because I think you did the best you can. Its not easy to do something when you're hurting, after all. You're pretty brave."

Its a few seconds before Hedwig acknowledges she's spoke by lifting his face out of the comforter to look her in the eye. He wipes away tears with his palm and sniffles as he sits up in front of her, legs crossed and holding his arms close in on himself as if he's ready to curl back up at any moment.

"You got pretty hair," he comments out of the blue. "Its shiny."

Nia breathes a sigh of relief. "Thanks! I try and keep it from frizzing. It gets pretty dried out in the summer."

His eyes dart around nervously before he finally blurts out, "Can I touch it? Your hair. It looks super soft a-and I never get to touch a lotta girls hair. They never really wanted me near them, etcetera."

Nia leans forward. She feels... nervous, because this behavior is so new, but she complies in letting him run his fingers through her hair. The grin on his face is wide and dull sher nerves quite a bit.

Something seems to shift in his tone, and suddenly the child says as he pulls away, jumping off of the bed, "I'm gonna go color now bye."

And like that Nia is left to wonder if the help is coming too late. Or if there is any help for Kevin at all.

//

An unannounced visit is when it becomes completely apparent Nia is unfit to help Kevin.

She'd thought bringing by a pizza and a movie would be a great gesture. Kevin had mentioned work was stressful because he hadn't slept well last night and Nia always jumps at the chance to do something kind for her significant other.

She knows when the door opens only a crack for a distrustful eye to look through something isn't right. The young woman smiles tentatively and gestures with her head to the pizza box, as if to say she means no harm and instead intends to feed him. The door opens and he gestures for her to come in. He's holding a bright yellow cloth in his hand which he uses to close the door with.

"I wasn't expecting anyone. Apologies for the mess," He says, his voice lower than usual. And he's wearing glasses. Since when has he needed those?

"Mess?" She tries not to laugh but a chuckle escapes despite herself. "This place is spotless, Kevin. I'm almost afraid to set the pizza down on the glass table. I can see my reflection."

"I'm not going to be able to have visitors tonight." Kevin checks his watch and Nia can see how uneasy he becomes. "I will need you to leave very shortly. The gesture is appreciated, I promise, but I'm, uh..." He lets out a low groan, like he's trying to figure out what to say next. He won't even look her directly in the eyes.

"Is everything okay?" Nia questions carefully.

She goes to set the pizza down on the table when Kevin darts forward to grab it out of her hands. His entire body is stiff when he takes ahold of it, as if he's grabbed a pile of rotting garbage. Kevin - or whoever this is, she thinks to herself - then heads to the kitchen and with a pained yell throws it into the garbage can. She can see him shaking his hands furiously and breathing quickly, on the verge of panic.

"Why did you bring that? I don't know where thats been. Now this _entire_ place is _contaminated_ and she'll be here _any_ minute--"

"She? Who's she?"

"You need to leave," He growls. When he comes closer to her it becomes apparent to Nia this is someone who is somehow larger than Kevin. His shoulders are upright, his chest puffed out and his stride emits confidence with every step. She would feel threatened if it weren't for the fact he looks more panicked than angry.

"I will, okay? And I'm sorry I probably should have called. But you promise me you're alright? I'm here to support you Ke--I'm here to support you."

Kevin's nostrils flare and he glances at the door. It's almost prophetic, as if he'd known someone was about to knock, because there are three rapt knocks followed by, "Kevin? You better be home."

The voice is unmistakedly of an older woman. It sounds cold and unsociable, like someone who doesn't enjoy speaking because everyone around her is a waste of breath.

"You need to leave as soon as you're introduced. You only say your name and you do not tell her anything personable, of you or I, together or apart. Understood?"

Nia nods, feeling trapped. When her boyfriend opens the door theres an older woman - maybe mid 50s? - who rushes her way in. Her eyes are immediately drawn to Nia and they're sharp, determining her status as a human being even before Nia can open her mouth to speak.

"I've made myself perfectly clear before, Kevin. I don't like surprises. Who is she?" The woman demands to know.

When Kevin seems to falter on an answer, his mouth open with only a few nervous noises coming out, Nia jumps in to help. "I'm just a friend. I thought today was Tuesday and was dropping off a movie like I said I would but duh! Its Monday! Silly me. Kevin was kind enough to let me drop it off still but I don't want to interrupt you two so I'll be going."

Her eyes narrow. "I think that would be for the best. Kevin, wheres my tea?"

Kevin lowers his head subserviantly stating, "I'll go start it now mother."

As Nia leaves, apparently immediately forgotten by Kevin's mother, she can hear her say in a rising voice, "I expect my tea to be ready when I come here. How many times have we gone over this Kevin? You know I get stress headaches around you and tea helps me stay calm. Did you even bother to dust? It aggravates my sinuses when you don't."

In her car the young woman begins to cry because she knows theres nothing she can do for Kevin. She had to leave him in there with that woman who, in only a few minutes, has finally shown her why Kevin has never let anyone get close. And more importantly, why she'll never truly be close to Kevin.

//

Its Wednesday, July 14th and Kevin has now lost one of the very few healthy relationships he's ever known.

He does his best not to show how distraught things are inside. He honestly can't blame Nia. With his various... issues... it is hard to be involved romantically with someone like him. She doesn't say exactly that but it's implied.

"I think its best if we just remain friends for now," she'd said in the kindest voice possible ("her being nice only makes this so much harder" a melancholy voice immediately chimed in). Nia continued on to add, "I'll be here as you get better, I promise you that. But I think you need to focus on you. And this relationship is stressing us both if we're honest with eachother. You, keeping up appearances. And me, not sure how to help and maybe making things worse in the process."

Kevin isn't sure how long its been since she said that. It could have been ten seconds ago or maybe even a minute ago. His coffee is still warm in his hands so it can't have been that long, can it? He continues to focus on the warmth so he stays present. He doesn't want to leave this conversation despite how much it hurts.

"I... I know," He admits with very little emotion in his voice. All of the chaos remains inside. "I'm not going to try and make you stay because I know I'm a mess. I know I've put stress on you and I know I've been stressing out. I really care about you Nia, you know that. I just hope you don't... stay away."

"Not at all. Like I said, I will be here for you. Please don't think its just me saying that to your face and as soon as I leave we'll never see eachother again. I'd like to think I've proven I'm a better person than that." She tries to smile and catch his eye but he's so focused on his coffee mug for some reason he won't look up. "As soon as you leave your appointment on Friday I want to know how it went. I want to know how work is going, how your day is, what weird tv show you're binging on Netflix. Because you and I both know you find the weirdest things."

"I like UFO shows, okay? Its not that weird."

"Okay, weirdo."

The both chuckle in the silence that follows. Kevin wants to say something if only to prevent her from leaving for now but, even with all of the noise in his head, he can't think of anything substantial to say. If anything this relationship has taught him hiding from his problems isn't healing. He's spent so many years running until his lungs burn from the pain of it regarding... everything, really. And Nia has had a slow, relatively painless stride in life: a mom and dad who support her and gave her a childhood she remembers happily, extended family who call, long term relationships before Kevin, all of the "normal" things people go through. Kevin couldn't slow down to her pace because hes never had the luxury of slowing down.

"I'll let you know how Friday goes," He says, finally breaking the silence.

Nia gives him a hug before taking her leave. As he shuts the door Kevin swears he can hear someone in his head say, _I'm sorry, Kevin. I really am_.

 _So am I_ , he responds internally. Kevin has never interacted with the thoughts before but with nothing on the line anymore....

He pauses before asking, _We are going on Friday... right?_

_I'll get us there. I swear._

Kevin can feel himself fading. His coffee is cold. And his reason for being present is gone.

Barry then fronts and pours the coffee out soon after. He's always hated it black. With milk is a thousand times better.


End file.
